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Peace Not Pas

A Parent's Story of Battling Parental Alienation

Page 13 of 14

An Insight into the Life of an Alienated Parent

Life as an alienated parent is incredibly difficult to describe. Many alienated parents describe it as grieving for children that are still alive. I have also heard it described as a constant emotional pain, a constant sadness that never goes away. In essence the combined and constant feelings of loss and powerlessness are incredibly difficult to express in words to someone that has never been affected by this form of abuse.

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The alienating parent will normally make allegations of emotional, physical and sexual abuse against the targeted parent. The alienating parent will do this for the purpose of justifying the prevention of contact between the alienated parent and their children. Such allegations are virtually always disproved (Baker, 2005). However such allegations will involve input from police and/or social services. And this in turn all too often leads to the alienated parent giving up the fight for contact with their children (Lowenstein, 2007).

“Requests for help will normally result in cold, clinical and ultimately unsympathetic replies.”

Alienated parents that are fortunate enough to have the financial and emotional resources and support to ‘fight the system’ will find it a battle of constant pleas for help from services such as Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service). However such requests for help will normally result in cold, clinical and ultimately unsympathetic replies. Court hearings will result in judges not recognising parental alienation at all. Judges will all too often make insensitive and flippant remarks to both parents such as “knock your heads together and try and work this out!” or “you two need to work together!”

Within my own clinical practice as a mental health nurse I have encountered what is known as ‘professional tribalism’. This term is defined as one profession operating in isolation or in competition with other professions within their area of work; a sense of insecurity that one profession feels it is being encroached upon by another profession. Simply put the ‘encroached’ professional feels threatened, and in turn responds with an approach of “I am the expert in this field, you are not”. In my experience and that of other targeted parents I would argue that judges suffer from a clear case of professional tribalism when confronted or challenged about their distinct lack of knowledge of parental alienation. Judges, along with many other professionals, simply see such circumstances as high conflict separations. Far too many of these ‘professionals’ do not see the alienating parent refusing to co-operate and actually brainwashing the children against the targeted parent and their family.

Alienated parents will obviously reach out for help from people they believe are their friends, people who are ultimately in a position to help. However such is the nature of parental alienation, that these ‘friends’ have already been influenced by the alienating parent who has already portrayed them self as the ‘victim’ and has in turn portrayed the targeted parent as the ‘villain’. In addition to this, when alienated parents attempt to get help and support from institutions such as their children’s schools they are faced with indifference, apathy and disbelief.

“People will find it incredibly hard to believe that a supposedly loving parent would emotionally abuse their own child in order to hurt their ex-partner.”

All of the above misinformation, disbelief and utter lack of sympathy for alienated parents is driven by many factors. One factor is the tendency for institutions, professionals and ‘friends’ to allow themselves to ‘buy into’ parental stereotypes. Another factor is the difficulty in believing that a parent would actively brainwash their children against the other parent and their family. In essence, people will find it incredibly hard to believe that a supposedly loving parent would emotionally abuse their own child in order to hurt their ex-partner. With this level of disbelief, such individuals invariably become enablers without even knowing it. But this is what happens, and this is the nature of parental alienation.

However it is not just the affected children and targeted parents that suffer. It is also the targeted parent’s family that is also alienated. The sense of loss for grandparents is also immense and difficult to imagine in being denied access to their grandchildren. In such cases they feel even more powerless than the targeted parent. Grandparents and/or extended family will hang on every word and development told to them by their son or daughter, the targeted parent.

“Due to a lack of recognition of parental alienation, the alienating parent is allowed to carry on inflicting abuse on their children.”

When I first became a parent, like many other new parents I embraced the role with a healthy mix of trepidation, naivety and indescribable joy and happiness. What I did not envisage was that one day the mother of my children would work as hard as she could to attempt to erase me from my children’s lives. I also could never have imagined that I would have to fight so hard to be a part of my children’s lives. As in so many cases it is the targeted parent that the judicial system holds up to a higher standard than the alienating parent. This is despite the alienating parent often being identified by the relevant services as emotionally abusing their children. Tragically due to a lack of recognition of parental alienation, the alienating parent is allowed to carry on inflicting abuse on their children.

“There is no greater pain as a parent, than being kept away from your own children.”

Most people would agree that a good parent doesn’t keep a child from the other parent out of hate towards them. However there is an incalculable number of parents out there  dealing with being separated from their own children on a daily basis. All because the other parent hates them more than they love their children. This is the heart-wrenching experience that is parental alienation.

The above paragraphs may give a brief insight into what it is like to be an alienated parent, but ultimately I would argue that there is no greater pain as a parent, than being kept away from your own children.

The American political journalist, author and world peace advocate, Norman Cousins once said “death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live.”

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Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

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The Awe-inspiring Online Community of Parental Alienation

The online presence of those affected by parental alienation is both immense and awe-inspiring. In terms of statistics, typing ‘parental alienation‘ in to Google presents one with 1,170,000 results. #PAS on Twitter reaches an audience of 2,107,036 twitter accounts. There is an incalculable number of alienated parents across the developed world passionately campaigning, advocating and pleading online for some kind of social change that will effectively challenge the abuse that is parental alienation.

“The outpouring of support for one another online is beyond words.”

I myself have now become an active participant of this online community that I previously never knew existed. Like any other topic online, there is a communal sharing of experience, ideas and knowledge. However the outpouring of support for one another online is beyond words. Such support for one another is invaluable, crucial and without doubt in some cases life-saving.

An alienated parent recently tweeted his comparison of the evil of parental alienation to the Star Wars saga. ‘A battle between good and evil, an attempt to fight against the dark side’ he wrote with a tragic sense of ironyLast week I read a tweet by an alienated parent rather poignantly stating ‘none of us knew about this until it happened to us.’ In my case this humble blog of mine is simply one of an incalculable number of blogs written by alienated parents. Each blog a heartfelt testament to the lengths an alienated parent will go in order to simply seek contact with their own children.

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In terms of my own experiences of parental alienation, I would not be able to fight this battle alone. Such circumstances allow you to discover who you can truly rely on in times of extreme need. I have written in the past of how grateful I am of the amazing support and love of my parents, partner and closest friends. Never have I experienced such love and support.

“The best way to pursue happiness is to help other people. Nothing else will make you happier.”

However I would also like to take the opportunity to thank the online community of those affected by parental alienation. From the smallest show of support, to the direct/private messages, to the international phone-calls I have received from those individuals who reach out and give invaluable support and advice at the drop of a hat.

At the risk of making one too many Star Wars references, it was George Lucas who once said “the best way to pursue happiness is to help other people. Nothing else will make you happier.”

Thank you.

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Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

An Open Letter to Enablers of Parental Alienation

Dear Enablers,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am what’s called an alienated parent. Since the summer of 2016 I have been relentlessly battling an unfair and biased judicial system in an attempt to have some contact with my three beautiful children following separation from my children’s mother. My aim is to co-parent with my ex-partner. My ex-partner’s aim is to erase me from the lives of my children. This battle has not only cost me in excess of £25,000 so far, but more importantly it continues to take its toll on the physical and mental health of both myself and my family.

“Emotional abuse will lead to both short and long term damage to the children’s mental well-being.”

As for my ex, she breaches numerous Court Orders with no legal consequence placed upon her. As stated above I have not seen my children since mid 2016. In terms of my ex’s behaviour towards the children she has effectively ‘brainwashed’ our children into believing I no longer love them and that I have abandoned them. In essence her aim is to deliberately destroy the previously healthy, loving relationship I once had with my children. She has not only cut off all contact between my children and I, but also refuses anyone from my side of the family from having any contact with the children. These behaviours currently being exhibited by my ex are collectively known as parental alienation. My ex has been told by a court Judge and Cafcass that she is inflicting emotional abuse on our children and that she must stop doing so. It has also been explained to her that such emotional abuse will lead to both short and long term damage to the children’s mental well-being. And yet she carries on emotionally abusing our children with little to no regard for the damaging effects it is having on our children.

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So Enablers, this is where you come in. An alienating parent relies upon individuals known as ‘enablers’ to support them in also turning on the alienated parent. An alienating parent all too often plays the ‘victim’ and in turn presents the alienated parent to you Enablers as the ‘villain’. For example, a while ago now, I texted the mother of one of my children’s best friends. Prior to the separation I considered her a friend, someone that I saw often due to our children being best friends. I texted her simply asking for help in someway. I did not talk negatively about my ex, I simply stated that my ex was currently preventing me from having any contact with my children, despite there being Court Orders in place stating contact must take place. Her reply was that she was sorry for me, but she was unable to help as she did not want to upset my ex by being seen to help me.

“You Enablers are intentionally or unintentionally enabling emotional abuse of children.”

I have since reflected on this individual’s response and I must have asked myself time and time again, what is it that this person has been told about me in order for her to so easily turn down another person’s desperate plea for help. You Enablers do not always act the way you do out of malice, but simply weakness and naivety. Some of you may be ‘enabling’ for reasons of self interest. But ultimately as the term suggests all you Enablers are intentionally or unintentionally enabling emotional abuse of children to continue with little to no resistance from yourselves.

So I introduced myself and my situation, I then defined parental alienation before explaining the part you Enablers play in this emotional abuse. At this point you Enablers may be asking “so why are you writing this?” Well as an alienated parent, I am at times physically and mentally exhausted. I am just one of tens of thousands of alienated parents out there. Like many others I will never give up, and this letter is just one of many attempts I will continue to make in trying to promote awareness of parental alienation and hopefully bring about some kind of positive change, no matter how big or small. If this letter gets read by an enabler somewhere in the world and prompts just one of you to think about what you are doing and its effect on any children involved in the evil that is parental alienation, well then that is something.

Martin Luther King once said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”

So Enablers, I beg of you to consider this quote and ask yourselves what it is you do for others and why.

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Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

An Open Letter to Cafcass

Dear Cafcass,

At time of writing I have not seen my three beautiful children in any meaningful way since July 2016. Since separating, my ex and I have spent in excess of £10,000 between us on legal fees. My aim is to co-parent, my ex’s aim is to keep me away from my children.

Immediately after separation my ex began to unlawfully prevent me from having any contact with our children. It was at this point she began to exhibit alienating behaviours and subsequently cut off any direct or indirect contact with my side of the family and anyone else that was seen by her to be providing me with support. She also started and still continues to this day to make false allegations against me. There are no current safeguarding issues around me concerning contact with my children.

At this point in proceedings on the advice of my solicitor I requested help from you Cafcass (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service).

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You assigned a Case Manager and a report was written and submitted. The findings were that my ex was emotionally abusing our children and exhibiting alienating behaviours, both of which, you reported should stop. A ‘robust approach’ with numerous interventions were recommended. A subsequent Court Order was made with all recommendations included.

However most of the Court Orders were breached by my ex and no meaningful interventions went ahead due to outright refusal by my ex. After several more court appearances at great cost in legal fees a second Cafcass report was written.

This report stated that although my ex was still exhibiting alienating behaviours and still inflicting emotional abuse on my children, you, Cafcass felt that to challenge contact between the children and myself would pose a risk of my children feeling ‘undervalued’.

“You believe it is in my children’s best interests to remain in an emotionally abusive environment and to remain alienated from half of their family.”

This approach is baffling if not unethical. Cafcass, your very own mission statement is to “represent children in family court cases and make sure that children’s voices are heard and decisions are taken in their best interest.” So based on your mission statement Cafcass, let me just reflect on your second set of recommendations regarding my children; you believe it is in my children’s best interests to remain in an emotionally abusive environment and to remain alienated from half of their family and to continue to be allowed to believe that half of their family has rejected them. Unbelievable Cafcass, truly unbelievable.

Voltaire once said “no problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.” As such I have become somewhat of an expert on parental alienation. Although they identify the same effects, there are several approaches to viewing the causes and application of parental alienation. There is the early Gardnerian approach of naming it as a syndrome which poses its own clinical issues and application in practice. Then there is the Childress approach of seeing it within an attached-based model. There are many current leading lights in the promotion, awareness and research of parental alienation. Furthermore parental alienation is now included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). The DSM serves as a universal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. DSM-5 authors Dr. Narrow and Dr. Wamboldt state in a scientific paper in 2016 that parental alienation may be diagnosed as Child Affected by Parental Alienation Distress (V61.29) if one is talking about the child. If one is talking about a parent alienating their child parental alienation may be diagnosed as Child Psychological Abuse (V995.51).

However parental alienation is rarely acted upon by you Cafcass, despite all of the above discussion, research and evidence based approaches to combating parental alienation.

Despite this overall lack of recognition from you Cafcass, your very own Chief Executive Anthony Douglas, in an interview with The Telegraph in February 2017 used the term ‘parental alienation‘ when he acknowledged that it is a form of child abuse. I pointed this comment out to you Cafcass, during a recent appeal I made. And rather astoundingly, one of your senior managers made the comment to me “well, it is very difficult to know what to do when the damage has already been done.” In addition to this rather distressing comment, I also received an even more unhelpful letter from the Justice Ministry after I sought help and advice from my local MP. The Justice Ministry with no sense of irony attempted to reassure me that “Cafcass practitioners are aware of the potential for children to be influenced by parental views and are alert to this possibility throughout the progress of a case.”

“You feel it is in their best interests to grow up through their formative years believing they have been abandoned and rejected by half their family.”

Ironically Cafcass, it was me that requested your intervention in helping my children. It was you Cafcass that rightly highlighted and documented for me the fact that my children are currently being emotionally abused by their own mother. However it is now you Cafcass that is in effect declaring that there is nothing further we should do. You claim that it is not in my children’s best interest to potentially allow them to feel ‘undervalued’ by insisting on reconciliation with me their father and everyone else on my side of the family. So just to get it clear Cafcass, you feel it is in their best interests to grow up through their formative years believing they have been abandoned and rejected by half their family.

“Parental alienation is responsible for around 80% of the most intransigent cases that come before the family courts.”

In terms of statistics Cafcass, your own Assistant Director Sarah Parsons stated last year in an article with The Guardian “parental alienation is responsible for around 80% of the most intransigent cases that come before the family courts.” From research carried out on non-custodial parents who have become disengaged from their children’s lives (Kruk, 2011), it was found that most lost contact involuntarily, many as a result of parental alienation. Scholarly consensus shows that severe alienation is abusive to children (Fidler and Bala, 2010), and it is a largely overlooked form of child abuse (Bernet et al, 2010), as the numerous front-line staff involved are often unaware of or minimise its extent.

“So Cafcass, why won’t you recommend that I have my children in my life?”

In summary, it is unfathomable to believe that it is in a child’s best interest to keep them separated from a loving parent. So Cafcass, why won’t you recommend that I have my children in my life? Because I just simply do not understand.

References

Bernet, W. et al (2010). “Parental alienation and the DSM V.” American Journal of Family Therapy, 38, 76-187

Fidler, B. and Bala, N. (2010). “Children resisting post separation contact with a parent: Concepts, controversies, and conundrums.” Family Court Review, 48 (1), 10-47.

Kruk, E. (2011). Divorced Fathers: Children’s Needs and Parental Responsibilities, Halifax: Fernwood Publishing.

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Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

A Letter from the Ministry of Justice, Now This Is Funny! (It shouldn’t be but it is)

I recently received a letter from the Minister of State for Justice. This being the result of an appointment at the office of my local MP earlier on in the year. My aim in approaching my local MP was to bring to her attention the injustice in battling parental alienation and seek her help and support.

“The next farcical comment was “it is unacceptable for either parent to breach a court order.”

The resulting letter from the Minister of Justice started with a misplaced attempt at reassurance by informing me “the government recognises that decisions about child arrangements following divorce or separation can be difficult and distressing”. The letter then went on to say “no parent should prevent a child from spending meaningful time with the other parent.” The next farcical comment was “it is unacceptable for either parent to breach a court order.” However, in terms of entertainment value my favourite sentence in the whole letter was “Cafcass practitioners are aware of the potential for children to be influenced by parental views and are alert to this possibility throughout the progress of a case.”

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The Minister of State for Justice clearly felt that he had not highlighted his ignorance of this issue enough. As such he then went on to point out the number of safeguards and measures currently in place and at the disposal of both the Courts and Cafcass. “You haven’t got a clue mate!” I thought to myself upon reading his letter.

“Approaching and requesting information from schools about ones own children is akin to getting blood out of a stone.”

It is also worth mentioning that I initially asked my local MP to write to the Children’s Minister, however my inquiry got passed over to the Minister of Justice. This is indicative of the fact that despite experts within the field of parental alienation arguing this is a child protection issue, the UK government does not see it this way.

This latest rebuff simply becomes yet another frustration in battling parental alienation; approaching and requesting information from schools about ones own children is akin to getting blood out of a stone. Having to quote government legislation and guidelines to Headteachers in order to exercise ones own parental responsibility is incredibly time consuming, unfair and unjust. The numerous ‘professionals’ that shy away from the term ‘parental alienation’ is astounding, on one occasion a frontline professional warned me that “we must be careful when we use the term parental alienation.” I am currently appealing the latest Cafcass report that informs me that my children are being emotionally abused but fails to provide any safeguards, interventions or protection from the abuse. During a recent telephone conversation with a senior manager from Cafcass regarding my appeal, he informed me that “it is difficult to know what to do when the damage has already been done!” An absolutely shocking comment from an organisation that claims to “make sure that children’s voices are heard and decisions are taken in their best interests.”

In his novel Ham on Rye, Charles Bukowski writes “I guess the only time most people think about injustice is when it happens to them.

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Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

Compassion, What’s it Worth?

In the Oxford English dictionary, the word compassion is defined as ‘sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others’. The Middle English word is thought to have originated from Anglo-French and in turn from the Late Latin word compassio, meaning to sympathize, to bear, suffer. In numerous philosophies and almost all of the major religions, compassion is ranked as one of the greatest virtues.

The ability to be able to identify with another individual is a key component of what makes us human. Mirrored behaviours start in early infancy, with the mimicking of facial expressions and body movements of parents and carers. Such behaviours are highly related to the concept of compassion.

“Narcissistic traits are what drive alienating behaviours, along with a nonsensical need for revenge and control.”

However the idea that a parent can alienate their own children against the other parent is difficult to understand and comprehend. To engage in such behaviours requires a complete lack of compassion on the part of the alienating parent. Divorce and separation is all too often painful and emotionally difficult and children invariably suffer to some degree. However as much as some parents are antagonistic towards one another, most if not all attempt to shield their children from the emotional and psychological fallout from the breakdown of a relationship. This is not the case for parents that alienate, narcissistic traits are what drive alienating behaviours, along with a nonsensical need for revenge and control.

Ironically I have never been the recipient of so much compassion from others. Such circumstances allow you to find out who your real friends are. Such scenarios can bring the alienated members of the family closer together, and an outpouring of compassion to one another occurs. Extraordinarily, it is with compassion that the victims of parental alienation at times examine the emotional make-up of the alienater, looking for answers, trying to understand why someone would behave in such a uncompassionate manner, with such devastating effects on those around them.

“We should embrace the love, support and compassion that is given by others.”

When an alienated parent, grandparent etc, is at their lowest ebb, they can become isolative and the magnitude of what is ahead becomes almost too much to bear and all-consuming. Someone once challenged me about this mind-set. They put it to me that when we find ourselves beginning to hide ourselves away as a maladaptive way of coping, in turn we are arguably shutting those very people out that are doing their upmost to be there for us. This individual also went on to remind me that such an inner circle of friends, the ones we trust and rely on the most, their love and support is ultimately underpinned by their compassion for others. And ultimately it is one’s own love, appreciation and compassion towards such people that should be capitalised upon to ensure we do not shut them out. In essence we should embrace the love, support and compassion that is given by others.

In my humble opinion, I feel it is virtues such as love and compassion for and from others that drive us to continue in the most difficult of situations.

You must not hate those who do wrong or harmful things; but with compassion, you must do what you can to stop them — for they are harming themselves, as well as those who suffer from their actions” Dalai Lama.

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Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

The Battle for Britain’s Alienated Children

Yet another well written and well-informed post from Karen here on the current increasing awareness of Parental Alienation. But also highlights the problems that lay ahead in the continuing fight to not only get PA recognised but to effectively treat it.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

I am an avid music fan. I listen to it, I read about it and I play it. I like music to surround me like a soundtrack. I find music such a powerful medium. Music comforts me, it lifts me up, in essence, like many other people it evokes powerful emotions in me.

This last week has been without doubt, the most difficult week of my life so far. I am currently off work with depression, Cafcass are on the brink of ‘giving up’ on my two oldest children and I am on the brink of running out of money for legal fees. I simply miss my children who I have now not seen for 8 and a half months.   The constant battle to see my children is all consuming, it dominates my life. This last week I have been physically and mentally exhausted.

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So what’s this got to do with music? Well, today I have been revisiting U2’s 1993 album Zooropa. Track 7 ‘Some Days are Better Than Others‘ has resonated with me the most today as I have reflected back on the week just gone.

Some days take less, but most days take more, some slip through your fingers and onto the floor.”

The song starts with a thumping bass line from Adam Clayton and builds to a typical U2 chorus. The Edge’s distinctive guitar style carries the song along, while being underpinned by Larry Mullen Jr’s unique drumming style. As much as Bono is viewed by many as divisive, in my humble opinion he is a skilled lyricist.

Some days take less, but most days take more, some slip through your fingers and onto the floor,’ Bono sings, as I reflect back on a week where some days I have found it difficult to get out of bed and cope with the magnitude of what I am currently faced with.

Some days you hear a voice, taking you to another place…,’ I have considered giving up. That is not an option.

Some days are sulky, some days have a grin, and some days have bouncers and won’t let you in…‘ At times during the last week a glimmer of hope fades away as quickly as it appears. I have simply found it difficult to cope with some days. At times the constant uphill struggle has hit me like a sledgehammer.

“To be able to love and be loved is an amazing feeling. It is a privilege not to be wasted.”

This song also prompted me to reminisce about going with friends to see U2 at the former Wembley stadium in 1993. This positive memory reminding me of how amazing and precious life is. To share your life with those around you is an amazing thing. This in turn evoked in me the feeling of how amazing life can be. To be able to love and be loved is an amazing feeling. It is a privilege not to be wasted.

For as long as I am prevented from seeing my children I will continue to miss them more than words can describe. However I am just one of thousands of alienated parents out there. Some in much worse scenarios than mine. Some parents are out there struggling alone.

At times life is difficult, but I am fortunate that I have amazing support from amazing people. And to them I am eternally grateful. Thank you. Xx.

Simply put ‘some days are better than others‘.

btg dad


Please Note: We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by the current injustice of the family justice system.

We will gladly signpost individuals to professionals within our wider network who operate in line with our core principles; contact us for more details. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from such professionals for any referrals made.

We offer a completely free Support Line. To find out more prior to booking click here. To book a call from one of our dedicated Support Line Volunteers click here

The CCA Support Team

Letter to Theresa May from a victim of Parental Alienation

The following is a letter written by alienated parent Brenda Stephens in response to the governments response to the recent petition that whizzed its way around the internet requesting that parental alienation be criminalised.

Brenda Stephens’ blog can be found here www.johnsmam.tumblr.com

Please do visit to show your support for yet another alienated parent.

btg dad


Please Note: We will gladly refer readers to true professionals who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. 

We are also more than happy to feature quality content by writers; any wish to remain anonymous will be respected.

So if you align with our vision and ethos, have someone to recommend, are someone we would recommend or have something to say on the subject of shared parenting and parent equality in either a personal or professional capacity and would like a platform to have your say or contribute in some way to our cause, please contact us.

Thanks

The Peace Not Pas Team

“An orphan of a living father, it’s unacceptable”- Erasing Dad Documentary

Erasing Dad is an Argentinian documentary released in 2014, focusing on fathers fighting to see their children. As an alienated father myself I found the film difficult to watch at times, but compelling.

“Numerous organisations and professionals tried to have it banned, and delayed its release date.”

The documentary follows numerous fathers as they fight an outdated and corrupt judicial system. Although the documentary focuses on the Argentinian judicial system, there are clear parallels for alienated parents across the western world. All the fathers that are featured are victims of parental alienation. The film also features interviews with various professionals that admit with astonishing pride that they prevent fathers from seeing their children, even when there is no proof that any visits will harm the children. It is perhaps the inclusion of such candid admissions that made the documentary so controversial upon its release. Numerous organisations and professionals tried to have it banned, and delayed its release date. However such controversy created more publicity for the documentary.

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In an example of empathy for his alienated child an alienated father asks the question “how can you imagine your mother is going to lie to you?” Another alienated father recounts how he was told by his ex “you leave home and I’ll do anything I can to prevent you from seeing the girls. I’m gonna cross you off as a dad.”

A Criminal and Family Lawyer then highlights the biased legal system “it’s not that he [the father] can’t see him [the child]. But with the protection of the legal system, the application of the laws makes the child an orphan of a living father, it’s unacceptable.”

The issue of gender stereotypes was explored in more detail with Erin Pizzey, the founder of the first shelter in the UK for female victims of domestic violence. Talking of her setting up of her refuge approximately 40 years ago she states “as I took the women in, I looked at the first 100 women that had come in with their children. And of the first 100, 62 could be described as violent as the partners they had left. So it never has been a gender issue. These lies, false figures and statistics have been disseminated internationally through the western world. And men have been deemed as perpetrators, not because they happen to be violent, but because they happen to be men.”

“A lot of people make a lot of money out of high conflict separations.”

In an attempt to challenge such stereotypes the film returns to the aforementioned Criminal and Family Lawyer who makes the point “we need to not seek explanations for people’s behaviour based on their gender, because that’s a violation of basic human existence rules.” In highlighting a corrupt, outdated and unjust system the same Lawyer goes on to state “a lot of people make a lot of money out of this [high conflict separations]… So the prolongation of the conflict, leads to a huge amount of people living off many unresolved cases. The delay in solving these cases is always to the detriment of the children.”

Towards the end of the documentary an alienated father exclaims “it makes you very angry, so much injustice, so much suffering in vain.”

Following the release of the documentary and the subsequent controversy and public outrage it generated, Argentina passed a joint custody law and several other countries passed legislation against parental alienation.

Unfortunately at the present time parental alienation continues to not be recognised by any government authority in the UK. For me, this brings to mind the quote by Benjamin Franklin “justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.

Despite attempts from opponents of the filmmakers to have the documentary removed from YouTube, it is still free to view:

The makers of Erasing Dad are currently seeking support to make a follow-up documentary called Erasing Family. This story will be told from the point of view of children and show that fathers, mothers, and entire families, are erased by family courts. Show your support by visiting their website at www.erasingfamily.org.

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