‘Peace not Pas’ has been in existence less than a year. But sadly it has grown into a movement incredibly fast.
The site started as a record of one UK parent’s journey trying to stave off and cope with the effects of the disintegration of his children’s lives at the hands of a ruthlessly hostile targeting parent who had seized complete control over their children and was forcing him from their lives, in calculated stages.
He then ventured online for help and support, just to survive the relentless and sustained emotional abuse.
Then he was joined by another parent with an almost identical story, experiencing the same formula of abuse, then another, until in no time at all, the alienated parent network grew to 13, 000 people worldwide, on every continent.
Contrary to what the apologists and deniers cruelly allege, parent alienation is not the result of implacable hostility perpetrated by the non-resident parent. This is the excuse rolled out in court for decades now to justify the abuse.
Non-resident parents may have legitimate reasons for being unhappy or hurt that their relationship with the children’s other parent ended, especially if they had their financial and emotional wellbeing undermined by the separation. But they are parents and in the main place the interests of their kids first and foremost,
Why else would they continue with such a thankless and hopeless struggle?
The fact is that parent alienation, the act of deliberately manipulating children to reject the target parent, requires two key ingredients:
- motive and
Resident parents control all of the children’s core dependencies, friends, routines, schools and often family connections. They often have the motive (control, finance etc) and they certainly have the opportunity.
In most cased, the NRP is just desperately trying to hang in there, insisting on routines etc so they have some semblance of organisation in their own complex lives. They may appeal to the law for help and support because that is what they are advised to do. To suggest that they are using litigation to perpetuate some sort of abuse, however, is patent nonsense. When faced with relentless hostility and no communication, what other choice do they have?
Parent Alienation is not entirely a gendered problem, although because it is primarily the RP (resident parent) who alienates, and most are the mother (97% in the UK), it can appear so at times, But in countries like the US, we are seeing more and more cases of alienation where the RP is the father and the same alienating techniques are used to create the same patterns of abuse.
We have many alienated mothers and step moms in our support group.
So let’s hear from one of our PA community in the US:
My husband’s ex has brainwashed, erased memories and destroyed our family unit. It is not possible to co-parent with a psychologically disturbed individual who has free reign to wreak havoc- unchecked by social services and the juvenile and family “justice ” systems simply because she is the parent at the house the kids call home.
The tactics used to obliterate the family subset are a form of domestic terrorism; the damage done is irreparable.
I am appalled at the lack of intervention by professionals in the fields of psychology , law, and psychiatry who initiate the ” bystander affect” when they should be properly diagnosing personality disordered parents and traumatized children.
It is against every code of ethics, and the law, for teachers , school counselors and mediators to fail to intervene; it is a violation of the NCLB ( No Child Left Behind) Act and ESSA ( Every Student Succeeds Act) for school nurses, school psychologists and school administrators to FAIL to include BOTH parents , and design a 504 program for children affected by Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). I was an alienated child – not one single teacher ever asked me where my father was.
The systems currently in place are wracking up money from broken parents who have no hope or actual, helpful support but pay out of abject desperation.
My fellow members in Dr. William Bernet’s PASG ( Parental Alienation Study Group) and Simply Parent, Inc. are going to ignite a revolution against the professionals who are contributing to the conflict by failing to intercede.
Will our actions solve this crisis? Will it fix the tortured families? Most likely, no.
But we have to try as our lives are being torn apart. We have to call for ACCOUNTABILITY- and demand identification , assessment , intervention, and reparations for the MILLIONS of families battered by parental alienation worldwide.
I believe, here in the US, we need to form a march to Washington- demanding punitive measures against professionals who are profiting off of the pain of destroyed families.
There are huge conferences coming up at Colorado State University and Stockholm, Sweden…this matter demands the attention of the United Nations as it has become a global issue.
PA is splitting our world into two worlds, those who grab the kids and use them to steal family assets and suggest everything is perfect and sunny.
Then there are those who are ruined financially and psychologically by legalised abuse, forced to live in isolation in the darkness and the cold.
I can’t believe this is happening in plain sight.
I can never restore my own broken childhood or the severed relationship with my father that occurred at the age of three. But now it is happening to our kids too?
That I can’t just watch.
We are distraught that we cannot cancel out the damage caused by my husband’s narcissistic, sociopathic, severely obsessed alienating ex.
But we can and will be the voice of every child suffering the eternal , internal and external pain and punishment of being erased from the life of someone they LOVE- a parent who helped create them and bring them into existence!
No sole alienator should have the power to accomplish this heinous act and wouldn’t without the support of “professionals” who are causing and perpetuating adversity NOT LOOKING Out for the best interest of the child .
Sir Michael Rutter (1974) stated that “to lose a parent due to deprivation is a pain worse than grieving the death of a parent.”
To be an orphan with two living parents, as an adult who was alienated as a child has cost me my health and wellbeing. There is no apology, monetary award or punishment that can restore what has been stolen.
Only a time machine could reverse the damage inflicted upon the soul of a wounded child.
Yes- the alienated parents are so broken, ruined, fearful and spent – emotionally, physically, mentally and financially that they simply CANNOT FATHOM a future with a child they love.
Parental Alienation goes AGAINST nature; it is the theft of hope…the emotional rape of a child’s ability and desire to LOVE a parent… the ultimate evil.
How is this not considered a WAR AGAINST THE CHILDREN?!
The future and stability of humanity is based upon our children.
We must not tolerate these psychological crimes any longer.
If the establishment won’t help us, let’s yo the pace of the revolution,create a paradigm shift in how we approach mental illness and abuse in high conflict families and cut off the financial supply to the corrupt third parties, partners in the abuse.
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The Peace Not Pas Team