Advertisements

Peace Not Pas

A Parent's Story of Battling Parental Alienation

Month: March 2018

We’re Still Being Bullied and I’m Scared, Really Scared!

Second guest post by one of our parents, a father who currently shares residency status with the children split between two households.

“I’ll admit it. I’m scared.”

Bullying is defined as someone with power over another using that power to cause them harm. I know that feeling all too well.

My former wife abused her position of influence over our children and the fact that I couldn’t be both with them and at work, to undermine and bully them and me while we were together.

But despite being divorced for years, I feel like history is repeating itself… again and again and again.

My experience of  parental alienation is unique in many aspects and horrifyingly similar in others.

At the beginning of my divorce my eldest daughter was so angry with her mum. So much so that on a couple of occasions I had to physically put myself between them to stop them coming to blows.  Once my ex realised this she decided not to leave. Or at least she said that she wouldn’t. But of course, she was just stalling for time.

By this point I’ll admit I did not believe her. I knew we were living on borrowed time. But unfortunately I still had to go to work, leaving myself and the children vulnerable. And I was right to be scared. All it took to turn my eldest into an automaton was a week home ill from school and intense 1:1 time with “mummy” and her mind-bending words.

We had a good relationship before. But she had always been closer to her mother and her mum had always kept her close. My younger 2 were less favoured and I suppose I had compensated for that subconsciously and they always preferred time with me.

Soon after I was denied access to all 3 children, however. The claim was that they were suddenly  scared of me. The main mouthpiece for this was my eldest. My younger 2 daughters were contradicting everything she said. But social services ignored them. The age gap between my eldest and middle daughter is 17 months and 1 school year. Yet one was old enough to speak and the other wasn’t.

I went to court and won the right to see the children. But from thereon, it was frankly like living in a house with a spy who wouldn’t talk to me. So for example one night I got the silent treatment as I always did and her mum had made sure they were all in their rooms(yes I have had some crazy court orders but that is for another time). I was cooking myself some dinner and I set the smoke alarm off as it got too smoky. I didn’t burn anything. A minute later for me I got a chilling text from my ex saying smoke can be very dangerous. She was gone, but still very much there.

I’m sure many of you have been in this position.

The brainwashing control was so absolute that if you read a statement from my eldest it was almost word for word the same as the legal letters from my ex. The only people bothered by this or even seeming to notice were me and my solicitor. The best way I can describe it is with this clip.

Several months passed, my ex had moved out (this was odd but she let me buy her out of her house) and I felt my eldest daughter slipping away. So I had to make a tough call.  I backed down and became the one thing I never wanted to be. I became a weekend dad.

As per the patterns common to the experience of so many alienated parents, everything that could be done by my ex was done to disrupt the smooth running of the court order. Her specialism, however, was that all communication was forced through my eldest. If I refused to communicate through her I didn’t get the kids. This put an unfair strain on her. It was abusive.

Eventually I got an email attacking me saying that she never wanted to see me again. Given the strain she was being put under by her mom, I’m not surprised and I do not blame her.

But it saddens me deeply that I have not seen my first born daughter now for 2 and half years.

This is where for me things got really odd and I still to this day don’t understand what happened. My middle daughter texted and emailed quite often. When my ex found  out her phone was taken and was then mysteriously broken. Computer time and hence her chance to email was stopped because of too much screen time when with me.

I got her a new phone and asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to spend more time with me. All I said is she needed to tell Cafcass when they asked as I was going back to court to sort things out. A week later I got an email from my ex criticising my care of the children, but bizarrely, as a result, she was sending my youngest two children to live with me from now on except for certain dates. Again, she was calling the shots as suited her and her new partner.

I went straight back to court and made it all legal before she had time to change her mind, however. The judge did not want to agree but my ex for reasons best known to her couldn’t agree quick enough. She further exerted her control on my eldest, however, but I had at least secured some of my family, much to my relief and that of my extended family who had been petrified of losing everything having already lost so much.

It was not the solution I wanted but it was better than most dads get in my position. I continued to fight and spend a fortune trying to get contact with my eldest but I got nowhere. This was early Dec 2015.

In April 2016 my eldest was removed from school without my permission. I knew there was something going on but I had parental responsibility still so I knew she had to ask. But nobody would be that brazen would they? Well actually yes.

One day she was in school the next day she wasn’t.

My middle daughter only found out when a teacher asked how she felt about her sister moving away. So I go into headless chicken mode trying to find out what had gone on.

I provided everybody a copy of the court order in December 2015. But none of them had it when the time came. After many frantic phone calls I discovered that my eldest had been moved to Wales and had been taken out of full time education and bizarrely, without consulting me, my ex intended to home school her.

She lied and told the school that there was a non molestation order against me preventing me from seeing her and my eldest. Nobody thought to ask for a copy of it. (I did not know about the order part until much later when I complained to social services. Their defence was she said there was this order, but we should have asked for a copy.

Anyway back to court we went in May when again my ex returned to type with her counter applications. I think there were five this time. Attached to one was a twenty page essay marked like a teacher explaining why my eldest hated me and my mum so much. There was also, bizarrely, an application from the youngest two children to live with my ex.

In court before I could even sit down, to my surprise, the judge said that the essay was clearly child abuse dismissed all her applications on the spot and appointed a guardian to see what could be done to help my eldest and the youngest when they were at their mum’s.

Yet there were no consequences for the lies and deceit and bullying behaviour of my ex, no disincentive or rebuke.

The love bombing of my middle daughter then started. There were lies about me not be allowed to talk to their mother again. The result was my world falling apart.

An email from my middle daughter followed, almost a copy of the one from October saying that this time she never wanted to see me again. The judge, however, ordered her returned to me. Within two weeks she was saying she wanted to live with me again. Today she is grateful that she does not live with her mum. I never stopped her mum seeing her, despite the risks and her mum has tried since to get her to change her mind but she never has.

Now, having survived the last bout of bullying and abuse, my ex has turned her attentions to my youngest. I see the same tactics and patterns happening to her before my eyes. But I am powerless to stop it and so, it seems, is the law. This is the girl who would sulk and say she didn’t want to go whenever she had to go to her mum’s. Now she is telling me happily she wont miss me when she gets to stay at the fun house all the time.

Yet I continue to believe in shared parenting, despite the bullying, abuse and underhand behaviour and despite the fears that are giving me sleepless nights, from Thursday they go again to my ex’s,  someone completely hostile to me and my family, many miles away.

I know my family are absolutely terrified of what she could do. My middle daughter is now scared of her own mother.

And I am at my wits end, even though I still see most of my children, unlike so many thousands of alienated parents.

What I can say for certain is that the family law system is just not fit for modern purpose. I am not sure social morals were as dark as they now seem to be. Too many people use children as weapons to cause harm and abuse. I really worry about the impact this will have on the next generation unless the system can adjust to end the bullying of people who just want to do the best for their kids and who want to co-parent in peace.


Please Note: We will gladly signpost individuals to true professionals within our wider network who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. 

We pledge to never request payment from such individuals, nor request a finder’s fee from these professionals for any referrals made. We pledge to never make a profit or any other form of financial gain from any individuals affected by parental alienation.

We are always looking for guest writers. Please note, your writing will always remain your own intellectual property, even if it’s published on this site.

Please Contact us for more details. 

 

Advertisements

Parental Alienation; Kings & Queens

I see battling parental alienation very similar to playing a game of chess. They both require strategic moves. Both have an adversarial nature to them and there is no compromise. You either win or you lose.

Imagine if you will the Queen representing the targeting parent and the King representing the alienated parent. The Queen is the most powerful piece in the game of chess. The Queen can simply move any number of squares, diagonally, vertically or horizontally. In the power dynamics of parental alienation the resident parent is the most powerful parent. In cases of severe parental alienation the resident parent will be dictating and controlling the plans and strategies of services involved, without them even realising.

“The aim of such tactics is to destroy the previously loving relationship between the children and the non-resident parent.”

By comparison, the King in chess is viewed as not just the most important piece, but also paradoxically one of the weakest. Generally, in the opening and middle phase of chess games the King will rarely play an active role. The parallel here in parental alienation is that the resident parent will simply deny the non-resident parent contact with their own children. The resident parent will also make false allegations against the non-resident parent. The resident parent will also consistently denigrate the targeted parent’s character in front of the children. As such in the opening stages of any case of parental alienation, the targeted parent is in most cases powerless to prevent any emotional abuse being inflicted upon the affected children. The aim of such tactics, employed by the targeting parent is to destroy the previously loving relationship between the children and the non-resident parent.

In chess the Queen is at it’s strongest and the King at it’s weakest when the chess board is open; ultimately when the King is poorly defended. In parental alienation the resident parent is at their strongest when the so called support services are on the side of the targeting parent. This occurs when the targeting parent’s false narrative of events is unconditionally believed by the services involved. As a result of this the non-resident parent is at their weakest when they are seen as the aggressor, when their version of events are dismissed by the services involved. Rather incredibly this is quite often the case, despite evidence being available to back up the non-resident parent’s version of events.

“How mentally and physically crushed must a loving parent be to ‘give up’ on pursuing a loving relationship with their own children?”

In chess you win by a checkmate move. This occurs when the losing side’s King is placed in an inescapable threat of capture. In parental alienation a win may come about when the targeted parent has exhausted all available options. This is so often the case in the current biased and ill-informed ‘system’ that does little to acknowledge, recognise or effectively manage parental alienation. A win can also occur by voluntary resignation. This occurs when too many pieces have been lost or a checkmate move appears inevitable. In parental alienation, targeted parents often give up. Not due to the fact they do not love their children. Simply because they are broken, distraught and worn down by their opponent’s tactics. How mentally and physically crushed must a loving parent be to ‘give up’ on pursuing a loving relationship with their own children? In the most extreme of cases, non-resident parents tragically take their own lives.

So where are the children in this parallel between chess and parental alienation? I see children as the pawn pieces in chess. The pawns are seen as the most numerous, but ultimately, like the King, they are seen as one of the weakest pieces in the game. Pawns can only move forwards, they cannot move backwards. I will use my own circumstances as an analogy here. It is reported that all my children no longer have any happy or positive past memories of me. It is reported that they are happier that I am no longer around. It is reported that they do not want to go back to a time where I, their loving father, was an integral part of their lives.

PawnPieceKingsAndQueensPeaceNotPas.jpg

A pawn that advances all the way to the opposite side of the board gets promoted to another, more powerful piece. In parental alienation a child that moves forward with the new family dynamics, will get rewarded. For example, such a tactic is parentification. This occurs when the resident parent will emotionally transfer their negative perception of the non-resident parent on to the children. In turn the resident parent relies on the children for emotional support. Leading experts in the field of parental alienation see this tactic as an attempt by the resident parent to attempt to solidify the children’s loyalty to the resident parent. The resident parent then rewards the children’s loyalty to them by way of gifts, inappropriate praise, etc.

So in essence, both parental alienation and chess is an adversarial and tactical game. You either win or you lose. There are powerful figures and there are weak figures. But ultimately the pieces at the front and in the midst of the battle, the pawns, the children, they are simply dispensable to the more powerful side, the resident parent.

I would like to conclude this post by explaining how I came to write the above. Several years ago, prior to me being alienated from my children, I took them to the cinema. We watched a film called Legend of the Guardians. One of the songs that featured on the the film’s soundtrack was Kings and Queens by the band 30 Seconds to Mars. This was when I first heard this song. Musically it literally blew me away with it’s epic, progressive rock composition.

This song went on to become one of my son T’s favourite songs. He would often insist on it being played during car journeys. On one occasion we watched a live performance of it on YouTube. As a parent, seeing T’s reaction to such a powerful and emotive performance, was an absolute joy to behold. Seeing the world through the eyes of our children is one of the many special gifts we so often take for granted as a parent.

I love music. I love the feelings that certain songs evoke in me. Music gives me strength to carry on. There are so many songs that mean so much to me. I sincerely hope T will have a similar relationship to music as I do. I will always think of my son T whenever I hear this song.

“These lessons that we’ve learned here, have only just begun.” Jared Leto, 30 Seconds to Mars, 2009.

btg dad


Please Note: We will gladly refer readers to true professionals who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. 

We are also more than happy to feature quality content by writers; any wish to remain anonymous will be respected.

So if you align with our vision and ethos, have someone to recommend, are someone we would recommend or have something to say on the subject of shared parenting and parent equality in either a personal or professional capacity and would like a platform to have your say or contribute in some way to our cause, please contact us.

Thanks

The Peace Not Pas Team

It Takes Two People to Make a Lie Work

When my husband and I sit and think about our grandchildren which can be any  given moment of any day or night, it breaks our hearts.

It is now two years since we have seen or spoken to them. And if that is not hard enough it is the pain the lies have caused to them and to us. Such lies that have been told about us by our ex-daughter in law to our precious grandchildren. Their very own mother told them that we, their loving grandparents had emptied their mother’s bank account and had  ‘taken’ all their money.

People may think that it is unbelievable that a parent would tell their very own children such lies. But this is the evil and vindictive nature of parental alienation. These lies were used by the children’s mother to turn the children against us both, their loving grandparents. The same grandparents who, just two years ago the children loved so much and spent so much time with. As grandparents, not only is their mother attempting to erase us from their lives, but she is also attempting to erase their loving father from their lives too.

Knowing that the children currently hold that false belief of us tears us both apart inside. Ultimately their mother is attempting to destroy the love they shared with us. Such unconditional love was  demonstrated on the last day we saw them two years ago. On that day we went to the house on our grandson’s birthday. We wanted to give him his present. We then asked him for a hug. However to our utter dismay he refused to hug either of us. At this point he looked at his mother. She stood there visibly beaming with contempt and satisfaction that she had hurt us all so much.

That day and our grandson’s sad face, will never leave us. Was it done in revenge? If so, what was she seeking revenge for? Did she act this way because of  her marriage breakdown? Was it because of her anger and hatred for the children’s father? Or has she had some kind of mental break down? Does she need specialist help?

I have asked myself these questions over and over again. Does she not even care how many lives she is destroying?

“It takes two people to make a lie work: the person who tells it, and the one who believes it.” Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts.

Solomon’s Choice

Dear reader,

Apologies for not writing for a while but have been working.

I am reminded of the old story of King Solomon and his decision. The story recounts that two mothers living in the same house, each the mother of an infant son, came to Solomon. One of the babies had died, and each claimed the remaining boy as her own. Calling for a sword, Solomon declared his judgment: the baby would be cut in two, each woman to receive half. One mother did not contest the ruling, declaring that if she could not have the baby then neither of them could, but the other begged Solomon, “Give the baby to her, just don’t kill him!”

The king declared the second woman the true mother, as a mother would even give up her baby if that was necessary to save its life. This judgment became known throughout all of Israel and was considered an example of profound wisdom.

The point of the story is that it is a wise thing to give the child to the parent that cares, rather than the parent who didn’t contest the ruling. If we now come forward many thousands of years, it appears that the court system has changed again. It now appears to favour one parent instead of both parents. If we look at the story, considering Parental alienation, it appears courts are happy to give children to the half of a relationship that doesn’t care and is willing to use a child as a tool to punish/subjugate/control the other parent. I find it interesting that after all this time, the expressions “splitting the baby” or “cutting the baby in half” are sometimes used in the legal profession for a form of simple compromise: solutions which “split the difference” in terms of damage awards or other remedies (e.g. a judge dividing fault between the two parties in a comparative negligence case). But if the courts can divide fault between two parties, why is it that they appear unwilling or unable to defend either party when the other party appears to blatantly disregard the solutions they arrange? I paid for a court order to allow me access to my child, on a fortnightly arrangement. This was to have all been arranged, but the “parent with care” (how I HATE that phrase!!), uses their time, energy and the resource of time, to manipulate the child to not want to go to their fathers, and forcing them to choose. They raised the metaphorical sword, stating that you can take the child if you want, but you can stop the crying.

So I ask, when the parent who cares says “no its ok you don’t have to come with me”, why does the courts not help the true parent? Why are the rules that the courts are so happy to charge you for, not re-enforced? Why are we happy to allow abuse to continue to happen as often as it does?

Every child has a fundamental right and need for an unthreatened and loving relationship with both parents. To be denied that right by one parent, without sufficient justification such as abuse or neglect, is itself a form of child abuse. Since it is the child who is being violated by a parent’s alienating behaviours, it is the child who is being alienated from the other parent. Children who have undergone forced separation from one parent — in the absence of abuse — including cases of parental alienation, are highly subject to post-traumatic stress, and reunification efforts in these cases should proceed carefully and with sensitivity. Research has shown that many alienated children can transform quickly from refusing or staunchly resisting the rejected parent to being able to show and receive love from that parent, followed by an equally swift shift back to the alienated position when back in the orbit of the alienating parent; alienated children seem to have a secret wish for someone to call their bluff, compelling them to reconnect with the parent they claim to hate. While children stated wishes regarding parental contact in contested custody should be considered, they should not be determinative, especially in suspected cases of alienation.

Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child; it has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate or fear the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child. Alienated children are no less damaged than other child victims of extreme conflict, such as child soldiers and other abducted children, who identify with their tormentors to avoid pain and maintain a relationship with them, however abusive that relationship may be.

So although alienated parents are often forced to make “Solomon’s Choice”, and the law system appears to reinforce this decision, it is fundamentally wrong. How many more thousand years will it take us to learn?

Why are we incapable of choosing wisely?

 


 

Please Note: We will gladly refer readers to true professionals who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. 

We are also more than happy to feature quality content by writers; any wish to remain anonymous will be respected.

So if you align with our vision and ethos, have someone to recommend, are someone we would recommend or have something to say on the subject of shared parenting and parent equality in either a personal or professional capacity and would like a platform to have your say or contribute in some way to our cause, please contact us.

Thanks

The Peace Not Pas Team

Family lawyers: they’re not ALL bad. Honest!

[The following is written by an anonymous contributor]

I see a lot written by parents about “corrupt” or unscrupulous solicitors and legal professionals.

I’m going to try and write something positive for a change.

I have never fully added it up but I spent about £50,000 on legal fees.

I don’t want to add it all up because I find it too distressing.

I am sure that many reading that statement will think “there you go evil legal profession”. The fees were high £240 an hour including vat and £360 including vat. They only bought out the expensive person for the financials which you could say, also shows their priorities.

I spent a lot of time choosing solicitors.

I didn’t go with the most expensive. And I didn’t go with the cheapest. I especially didn’t go with the lady who said she would “crush” my ex wife for me  – in a legal sense of course  – as long as I had the money to pay for it. I went with the solicitor who just asked could they come and see me for a chat after I had cancelled a meeting as I was trying save my marriage. I was working under the assumption that I would not see my kids again if I got divorced. They were also mediation specialists. They didn’t make any wild promises and they didn’t sugar coat anything.

I can say maybe that was a bit of an act. But the solicitor I had was brilliant. He well and truly cared. I’m sure there are many out there who will just say that’s what he is paid for. But he got me through a lot of the legal red tape.

For example when my ex took the children and denied me access he got mediation dropped. On their first weekend back when the police descended on my house he got them and my ex wife out of the house but the children left behind.  He took all the screaming and shouting and threats from my ex wife.

He is also knew how to do the right things for court. So for example how to dress. Smart casual is preferred by judges because they see very smart as false so want you casual but judge how you turn eg no jeans and t shirt.

He dealt with all the attempts at backsliding after each court case.  You could say that this is all his job but I’m not sure that I could have done it without his support. For example he got social services to leave me alone after they had closed my case but kept telling me to hand over the kids to my ex.

He also predicted before I was even prepared to accept the idea that my family would be split in 2. He told me what I needed to do and how to do it. It was the hardest thing to do but I did it. We were always fighting a losing battle in court but always came away with a positive result.

Perhaps the most important thing he did for me was that he persuaded me not to walk away.

By April 2016 I was tired and exhausted but had 2 of the children living with me. I was still getting regular harassment from the police or any agency that would listen to her (a recognisable alienating formula many abusive former partners follow), but I had been looking after the kids for 6 months and I was earning good money contracting.

Then, to cap it all, she took our eldest out of school and moved 3 hours drive away.

I reluctantly went back to court. I only wanted to get my daughter back into school. I did not have the fight for court. This was my 6th time in court and the 2nd final court order that had been broken. As usual I got lots of counter applications. The 2 worst were to now take the 2 children that 6 months earlier she had just handed over. She also wanted to take out a restraining order against me relating to her and our eldest.

In court, with my lawyer’s help, all her applications were dismissed.

There was a guardian appointed to represent the children as the judge described the evidence produced by my ex as child abuse. Unfortunately my ex convinced the guardian that it was her application to have the 2 children back that was being investigated.

At the same time I received an email from my middle daughter that looked like it had been written by an adult saying that she didn’t want to live with me or see me anymore and that my youngest should live with her mum too.

I went into a mini meltdown at this point. I just wanted to sell the house and go travelling. Just disappear. It was all too much. It would have been the worst thing I had ever done. Fortunately my lawyer talked me out of that or there is every chance I would now be homeless and childless.

Not only that but he got the judge to issue an order that said if my middle daughter was not returned within 24 hours my ex would be arrested. In turn he got a ban on the youngest 2 children visiting their mum until after the court case set for the Autumn.  He also managed to block any attempts to have the court case moved forward before the start of term. This made it harder for them to be moved.

The old guardian quit when she realised what had happened.  A new one was appointed and to cut a long story short after 2 weeks with me, with no pressure from me, my middle daughter was saying she would prefer to live with me. I kept custody of my 2 youngest children and I got awarded a small amount of fees.

This platform has allowed us to create a proper schedule of shared time and visits which I know would not have happened had my ex been able to take the kids.

None of this may seem much. But I had no idea at the start what I was doing and the legal professional guided me through and even kept me going when I was ready to quit.

It cost lots of money. But to me they were how a legal professional should be.

Its not right that I had to dice with bankruptcy and go to my mum for money to pay for that.

I still live on tenterhooks about what my ex will do to us next.

We can debate whether it should have cost me and, in effect, my family more than £50k just to protect ourselves. There is clearly much wrong with a family law system that can do that. But I will personally always be grateful for my lawyer’s support to help bring what structure and stability we now have and hope to keep.


Please Note: We will gladly refer readers to true professionals who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. 

We are also more than happy to feature quality content by writers; any wish to remain anonymous will be respected, as in the case of the Dad above.

So if you align with our vision and ethos, have someone to recommend, are someone we would recommend or have something to say on the subject of shared parenting and parent equality in either a personal or professional capacity and would like a platform to have your say or contribute in some way to our cause, please contact us.

Thanks

The CCA Support Team

The Parental Alienation Quiz!


[Warning: The following is a parody quiz containing at times a disproportionate amount of sarcasm! No offence to any particular individuals is intended. The aim of this post is to highlight the lack of compassion and care along with the unbelievable amount of incompetence exhibited by numerous professionals that work within a flawed system that simply exacerbates parental alienation as opposed to minimising it and safeguarding all those that are negatively affected by this form of abuse.]

Instructions for taking part in the following interactive quiz: Simply tap on the answer that you believe to be correct.

Q1. Who once made the following statement to me? “It’s difficult to know what to do once the damage has already been done!”
The current Case Manager at the time (Lead Social Worker)
Sorry, wrong answer!
Regional Service Manager, Cafcass
Correct!
This comment was remarkably made to me over the telephone following a complaint I had made against Cafcass. The above statement was part of the response I got to the complaint!
Jerry Seinfeld
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Children’s Guardian
Sorry, wrong answer!

Q2. Who once attempted to reassure me by stating the following?
“Trust me, I’m an expert, I’ve been doing this for years. The best thing you can do for those children is give them time!”
Ricky Gervais
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Court Judge
Sorry, wrong answer!
My solicitor/lawyer
Sorry, wrong answer!
The current Case Manager at the time (Lead Social Worker)
Correct!
This extraordinary response was made when I challenged the above view. He then later denied having made such a statement when I complained!

Q3. Who once stated to me “yes, the system is flawed!” but then later denied having made this comment?
The Deputy Service Manager of Cafcass
Correct!
This slip of the tongue was made me to me as part of a response to a complaint I made against Cafcass. The next time I met this individual, they denied having made such a statement!
Chris Rock
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Children’s Solicitor
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Case Manager
Sorry, wrong answer!

Q4. Who once told me the following? “If I were you I certainly wouldn’t mention the terms 50/50 or shared parenting. Judges will perceive this as the father trying to take possession and ownership of the children away from the mother.”
My solicitor/lawyer
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Case Manager (Lead Social Worker)
Sorry, wrong answer!
Mediator (a solicitor that provided mediation service)
Correct!
This astonishing statement was made in response to me saying that my long term goal was 50/50 shared parenting!
Eddie Murphy
Sorry, wrong answer!

Q5. With regards to the above mediation session, how much was I charged for the twenty minute session?
Absolutely nothing. The Mediator was of the opinion that the system is so unfair that out of the goodness of his own heart he said he would facilitate the session for free.
Sorry, wrong answer!
£50 ($70)
Sorry, wrong answer!
£25 ($35)
Sorry, wrong answer!
£110 ($155)
Correct! That equates to £5.50 ($7.60) per minute!

Q6. Who made the following statement in 2017? “The deliberate manipulation of a child by one parent against the other has become so common in family breakdowns that it should be dealt with like any other form of neglect or child abuse.”
My local Member of Parliament
Sorry, wrong answer!
Stephen Merchant
Sorry, wrong answer!
Anthony Douglas, Chief Executive, Cafcass
Correct!
Anthony Douglas made this statement in the following newspaper interview ‘Divorced parents who pit children against former partners ‘guilty of abuse,’ The Telegraph, 12th February, 2017. However despite this public statement, Cafcass as an organisation clearly struggle to disseminate this acknowledgement down to their front line staff.
Children’s Social Services
Sorry, wrong answer!

Q7. Following my case being referred by Cafcass to Children’s Social Services we had a meeting with numerous professionals in attendance. The question is, what was the outcome of this meeting?
A date was set for contact between my children and I, who I have been denied contact with since July 2016.
Sorry, wrong answer!
A co-parenting plan was formulated with clear aims and goals for contact
Sorry, wrong answer!
Another meeting was arranged!
Correct!
Rather unbelievably the only outcome was the arrangement of another meeting!
A Court hearing was arranged for the following week
Sorry, wrong answer!

Q8. I once complained to Cafcass. What was the outcome of the complaint?
I received a framed, autographed photograph of the Chief Executive. It proudly sits on my mantlepiece.
Sorry, wrong answer!
I received an email stating the following: “We appreciate the time you must have taken to write to us. We have reflected on your numerous points and as such apologise for the issues and concerns you raised. We will endeavour to improve our service in line with current legislation regarding the safeguarding of children.
Sorry, wrong answer!
I was invited to a meeting with the Deputy Service Manager of Cafcass to discuss my complaint in more detail
Sorry, wrong answer!
I received an email stating the following: “Dear btg dad, thank you for your email dated ######. We note your comments, however, we have nothing further to add. Kind regards, Customer Services Team, Cafcass.
Correct!
What an unbelievably unhelpful email!!!

Q9. Who once told me the following? “We must be careful when talking about parental alienation!”
Chief Executive of Children’s Social Services
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Mental Health Link Worker in my children’s high school
Correct!
What else can I say apart from how unbelievable is that?!
Lee Evans
Sorry, wrong answer!
My ex’s solicitor/lawyer
Sorry, wrong answer!

 

Q10. What UK Government sent me a letter with the following statement? “No parent should prevent a child from spending meaningful time with the other parent. It is unacceptable for either parent to breach a court order.”
The Ministry of Silly Walks
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Ministry of Magic (clue here folks as this UK Ministry does not apply to Muggles!)
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Ministry of Children and Families
Sorry, wrong answer!
The Ministry of Justice
Correct!
In my naivety I wrote to the Ministry of Justice seeking justice!

Bonus Question Time! Despite being denied contact with my children by their mother, who to this day continues to refuse to co-parent, a court ordered us both to separately attend a co-parenting course. The question is, what was the most valuable lesson I learnt on the course?
Not all sticky labels stick
Sorry, wrong answer!
Overhead projectors are unreliable
Sorry, wrong answer!
During afternoons I prefer coffee with two sugars instead of one
Sorry, wrong answer!
Far too many people that claim to be ‘experts’ talk utter rubbish
Correct!
Well done, correct answer. Thank you for taking the time to take part in this quiz.

Remember folks, it’s not always about winning, but about taking part!

The American writer and cartoonist Frank A. Clark once said, “I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humour in it.”

btg dad


Please Note: We will gladly refer readers to true professionals who add value, deliver results and operate in line with our core principles. 

We are also more than happy to feature quality content by writers; any wish to remain anonymous will be respected.

So if you align with our vision and ethos, have someone to recommend, are someone we would recommend or have something to say on the subject of shared parenting and parent equality in either a personal or professional capacity and would like a platform to have your say or contribute in some way to our cause, please contact us.

Thanks

The Peace Not Pas Team

© 2019 Peace Not Pas

Theme by Anders NorénUp ↑