Touched by the Cruelty of Parental Alienation

I have been touched by the cruelty of parental alienation. Perhaps from a distance but enough to have made me actually cry last Christmas. And enough for me to get so frustrated at the futility of the battle that I could explode!

“These young children were brainwashed, denied the truth and denied their father.” 

You see, my sister’s partner has been fighting to see his children for a very long time. At first, it appeared to be a kind of hell hath no fury like a woman scorned scenario, anger from the ex, torn clothes etc.

But it wasn’t long before the children become her weapon, her way to attempt to maintain power and control. These young children were brainwashed, denied the truth and denied both direct and indirect contact with their father. All this emotional trauma, facilitated by their very own mother.

The reason I write this is because I was once in the same position as this woman. I am a mother with a young daughter whose father, my then husband left me and said he didn’t love me anymore. I had all the typical feelings; hurt, fear, anger, bitterness. I felt like I wanted revenge and wanted to  make him suffer for hurting me! I did feel out of control like my future was uncertain and there was invariably a fear of being alone.

But and this is a big but. This is what separates me from a pissed off woman feeling scorned, compared to an alienating parent. I knew that my little girl loved her daddy and he loved her. They did things together, just the two of them.

“It is against a parent’s inherent natural instinct to not encourage the other parent to spend time with their own child.”

Being six years of age at the time, it was difficult for her to understand life without her parents being together. As much as I felt I hated him I had to remind myself that he still loved our daughter deep down. It is against a parent’s inherent natural instinct to not encourage the other parent to spend time with their own child.

That is why I cannot understand a woman who would deprive a loving father of their children. Empathy from being a parent myself surely makes you understand?

When you create little humans together one parent doesn’t have precedence over the other; it is equal, call me old fashioned.

If old fashioned is happy healthy children knowing they are loved for by both parents separated or not – then bring it on!

Written by

suzzymom


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12 thoughts on “Touched by the Cruelty of Parental Alienation

  1. Sorry, not entirely sure what you mean.

    When you say “reining terror down on their ex and children”, do you mean “reign” as in the resident parent is like a monarch in their house? In which case, that’s a great metaphor.

    In this sentence you say “men are often in a better position financially and these perp types have been using this pas against women as a tactic for years”. Not sure what you mean. There is only a 5% pay gap between men and women in the workplace today, on average. Around 90% of resident parents are mothers and the resident parent tends to gain the house, assets and maintenance payments, often for life. They also receive legal aid, in the main whearas men don’t as a rule. Can you explain your alternative stats as I’m not sure I’ve seen any evidence to back these assertions up?

    Can you also explain what “perp types” means please? The heartfelt and sensible article;s talking about people who won’t share parenting with the child’s other (non-resident parent). Is the RP the “perp?”

    It sounds like you and your ex have a torrid relationship..But it’s not clear how he can be a “parent alienator”. and can you please unpack what this sentence means “Allegations of brainwashing each situation taken into account is not a good idea we need to protect protective parents and children the surface need only be scratched”?

    It seems to suggest that you don’t want anyone to look beneath the surface of “brainwashing allegations”. Why not?

    Are you suggesting resident parents are beyond reproach and should simply be taken at their word? If that’s the case, then why are so many hundreds of thousands of families complaining about being cut off, refused medical records, school updates, cards and presents, calls and quality time.

    Surely issues between the parents are for the parents and if there are no safeguarding issues, even terribly malicious mothers (or fathers) should still spend quality time parenting their kids?

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Poigniant piece from Suzzymom. Separates the ‘normal’ strong hurt the resident parent who has the ability to move on, from the resident parent who is stuck and can only think of their own needs.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Very poignant and a great example to resident parents who are tempted to choose the way of personal vendetta and inflicting pain on their ex by hurting their children they had together
    Interesting to see so many apologists for parent alienation now it is being recognised as the abusive product of people with clear personality disorders. Are we starting to see a real groundswell of families who have had enough of these selfish “dogs in mangers”?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree Sharon, a good example of how, during separation/divorce we all have pivotal points where we need to make the right or the wrong decision in the best interests of the children.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry to have to say this “Souls” but this is awfully “ranty” and doesn’t make much sense as a response to such a well composed and balanced blog post. Not clear at all what you’re saying.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. It is a very well written piece indeed. It brings a sharp focus on the fact that being a parent is a duty and a responsibility, and it should never be the case that a child should fall victim to the foibles and fickleness of adults.

    I also feel we need to have a certain level of quality in replies to posts. Ranty, poorly written posts do our work no justice. Debates and discussions are important, even disagreements are healthy – but unreadable posts don’t contribute anything of use.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Absolutely Colin. For someone to smear the comments with half a dozen foul and abusive, ranting and indecipherable responses that I am pleased have now been deleted was a disgrace. Imagine that person’s parenting style!
    But it does illustrate how a minority of disturbed individuals are quite capable of abuse to defend a very selfish world view and rather proves the point of the post, ironically.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am just like your sisters partner, but I am the mother, and I am the one being alienated. My two youngest children now live with her father and have been for the past 5 years. He lives about 15 minutes away from me and I see my kids about 6 times a year. I am sure to text them every single night and tell them how much I love them and how much I miss them. He has cut their phones off from my phone 4 times leaving me with no communication with my children whatsoever. I should have done something when he first got them five years ago, but I didn’t because I didn’t want to start a battle and I didn’t feel it was right for the kids to have to go to court. Yes, my ex is a narcissist and he definitely would have made my kids go to court and basically made them pick between mommy and daddy, that’s what an a****** he is. So, I let things go and now my son is 17 and my daughter is 16, so it’s too late to do anything about it. But, thank God, my son will be going to college next year so I’m hoping to see him a lot more even if he goes to Michigan, and I’m in Maryland, I will see him more then when he lives 15 minutes away from me. My daughter used to be my shadow, now she’s extremely distant. She’s not the same little girl she used to be and that breaks my heart. So, I know how it feels, except I’m the mother who normally would have all rights to the children and I raise them by myself for the first 11 to 12 years of their life. My mom passed away in 2012 and my dad sold the house that we were living in so I really had no choice but to let them stay with their father. He is a narcissist, and evil mastermind, and a manipulator and a liar and he spent half of our relationship of 13 years in jail. I just wanted to let you know that I know how it feels….. Cheryl

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hiya Cheryl, Thank you for taking the time to read the post.And thank you even more sharing your story with us. Our hearts go out to you. I believe there is no worse pain than a parent being separated from their children. Stay strong and hopeful.

      Like

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