I am incredibly proud to be involved with the organisation I Was Erased. This U.S. based group is the brainchild of David Shubert, who is a parent continuing to fight what is now a nine and a half year battle to be reunited with his children.
The organisation’s aim is to provide and share support and resources for alienated and left behind parents. Their website can be found at www.iwaserased.com
David regularly writes what he refers to as ‘reflections’ and posts these online. The following is David’s latest reflection, entitled ‘The Living Dead’. This particular piece brought home to me what it is to be an alienated parent.
David has kindly given me permission to post his reflection on here:
The Living Dead
The very breath we breathe is sucked out of us. We walk around like zombies. The smile we once had is no longer visible and peace is forever gone. This is what it is like for a parent who has been alienated from their children. We simply cease to function on a normal basis. On the outside, we are just like you but on the inside we scream in terror and hold onto dysfunctional behavior.
Most people who know us do not understand what we are going through. They only see what they want to see. They will never understand what it is like to lose their child because of the vindictive actions of an alienating spouse or the erroneous decisions of a family court judge. They think we embellish our situation and should be able to move on but, how can we?
There are many parents and our children who have chosen to lose the battle of alienation because the pain is too great and are unable to continue fighting for what they desire. It is unfortunate when this occurs because their pain may end in the physical and emotional sense but, they leave it behind for those still on this earth who once loved them.
For myself, I have known three parents who have chosen to end their pain and suffering in the most dreadful manner caused by alienation. It leaves a hole in my heart that can never be filled. For family members, it must be even more devastating. I can only say that you must hold on and believe that tomorrow will be better.
It is imperative that each of you take care to safeguard your mental and emotional health because you need to be here for the time when your children awaken from their slumber and realize they need you. If, you choose to make the ultimate decision to end your pain… you are wrong and you are selfish. Pick yourself up and make the conscious decision to fight back against the dark powers.
There is a way to do this and that is through the power of self-healing. Step back from the fight. Concentrate on yourself and do something that promotes a different emotional environment for yourself. I understand how difficult this may be and how you may feel that you are giving up on your child through this process but, if you are damaged then you are no good to yourself nor your child.
Take time to heal. Go on that long awaited vacation. Go fishing. Camping with a friend? How about taking a dancing class? Counseling? Whatever you need to do make sure that you fulfil your bucket list and come back a more complete person. After all, you’re worth it and so are your children. They need to have you back in their lives and not an emotional wreck. They need you as you once were.
Ultimately, the choice is yours to make. You can either choose to live in silence and emotional fear as well as heartache, or you can make the conscious decision to rise above and heal yourself. Don’t be selfish in your actions. Consider who you are doing this for and that is your children. They deserve to have a super-mom or super-dad in their corner fighting for them.
Heal yourself from within and regain your life, your smile and your children. We all have this drive and fight inside us, we just have to reach down deep to find it. We do not have to be the living dead. We can instead be the living parents again!
By David Shubert
The original post can be found here.