Allow me to introduce myself. I am what’s called an alienated parent. Throughout the last nine and a half months I have been relentlessly battling an unfair and biased judicial system in an attempt to have some contact with my three beautiful children following separation from my children’s mother. My aim is to co-parent with my ex-partner. My ex-partner’s aim is to erase me from the lives of my children. This battle has not only cost me £20,000 so far, but more importantly it continues to take its toll on the physical and mental health of both myself and my family.
As for my ex, she breaches numerous Court Orders with no legal consequence placed upon her. I have not seen my children for almost ten months. In terms of my ex’s behaviour towards the children she has effectively ‘brainwashed’ our children into believing I no longer love them and that I have abandoned them. In essence her aim is to deliberately destroy the previously healthy, loving relationship I once had with my children. She has not only cut off all contact between my children and I, but also refuses anyone from my side of the family from having any contact with the children. These behaviours currently being exhibited by my ex are collectively known as parental alienation. My ex has been told by a court Judge and Social Services that she is inflicting emotional abuse on our children and that she must stop doing so. It has also been explained to her that such emotional abuse will lead to both short and long term damage to the children’s mental wellbeing. And yet she carries on emotionally abusing our children with little to no regard for the damaging effects it is having on our children.
So Enablers, this is where you come in. An alienating parent relies upon individuals known as ‘enablers’ to support them in also turning on the alienated parent. An alienating parent all too often plays the ‘victim’ and in turn presents the alienated parent to you Enablers as the ‘villain’. For example, a short while ago I texted the mother of one of my children’s best friends. Prior to the separation I considered her a friend, someone that I saw often due to our children being best friends. I texted her simply asking for help in someway. I did not talk negatively about my ex, I simply stated that my ex was currently preventing me from having any contact with my children, despite there being Court Orders in place stating contact must take place. Her reply was that she was sorry for me, but she was unable to help as she did not want to upset my ex by being seen to help me.
I have since reflected on this individual’s response and I must have asked myself time and time again, what is it that this person has been told about me in order for her to so easily turn down another person’s desperate plea for help. You Enablers do not always act the way you do out of malice, but simply weakness and naivety. Some of you may be ‘enabling’ for reasons of self interest. But ultimately as the term suggests all you Enablers are intentionally or unintentionally enabling emotional abuse of children to continue with little to no resistance from yourselves.
So I introduced myself and my situation, I then defined parental alienation before explaining the part you Enablers play in this emotional abuse. At this point you Enablers may be asking “so why are you writing this?” Well as an alienated parent, I am at times physically and mentally exhausted. I am just one of thousands of alienated parents out there. Like many others I will never give up, and this letter is just one of many attempts I will continue to make in trying to promote awareness of parental alienation and hopefully bring about some kind of positive change, no matter how big or small. If this letter gets read by an enabler somewhere in the world and prompts just one of you to think about what you are doing and its effect on any children involved in the evil that is parental alienation, well then that is something.
Martin Luther King once said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”
So Enablers, I beg of you to consider this quote and ask yourselves what it is you do for others and why.