An Open Letter to Enablers of Parental Alienation

Dear Enablers,

Allow me to introduce myself. I am what’s called an alienated parent. Throughout the last nine and a half months I have been relentlessly battling an unfair and biased judicial system in an attempt to have some contact with my three beautiful children following separation from my children’s mother. My aim is to co-parent with my ex-partner. My ex-partner’s aim is to erase me from the lives of my children. This battle has not only cost me £20,000 so far, but more importantly it continues to take its toll on the physical and mental health of both myself and my family.

“Emotional abuse will lead to both short and long term damage to the children’s mental wellbeing.”

As for my ex, she breaches numerous Court Orders with no legal consequence placed upon her. I have not seen my children for almost ten months. In terms of my ex’s behaviour towards the children she has effectively ‘brainwashed’ our children into believing I no longer love them and that I have abandoned them. In essence her aim is to deliberately destroy the previously healthy, loving relationship I once had with my children. She has not only cut off all contact between my children and I, but also refuses anyone from my side of the family from having any contact with the children. These behaviours currently being exhibited by my ex are collectively known as parental alienation. My ex has been told by a court Judge and Social Services that she is inflicting emotional abuse on our children and that she must stop doing so. It has also been explained to her that such emotional abuse will lead to both short and long term damage to the children’s mental wellbeing. And yet she carries on emotionally abusing our children with little to no regard for the damaging effects it is having on our children.

OpenLetterToEnablers_PeaceNotPas

So Enablers, this is where you come in. An alienating parent relies upon individuals known as ‘enablers’ to support them in also turning on the alienated parent. An alienating parent all too often plays the ‘victim’ and in turn presents the alienated parent to you Enablers as the ‘villain’. For example, a short while ago I texted the mother of one of my children’s best friends. Prior to the separation I considered her a friend, someone that I saw often due to our children being best friends. I texted her simply asking for help in someway. I did not talk negatively about my ex, I simply stated that my ex was currently preventing me from having any contact with my children, despite there being Court Orders in place stating contact must take place. Her reply was that she was sorry for me, but she was unable to help as she did not want to upset my ex by being seen to help me.

“You Enablers are intentionally or unintentionally enabling emotional abuse of children.”

I have since reflected on this individual’s response and I must have asked myself time and time again, what is it that this person has been told about me in order for her to so easily turn down another person’s desperate plea for help. You Enablers do not always act the way you do out of malice, but simply weakness and naivety. Some of you may be ‘enabling’ for reasons of self interest. But ultimately as the term suggests all you Enablers are intentionally or unintentionally enabling emotional abuse of children to continue with little to no resistance from yourselves.

So I introduced myself and my situation, I then defined parental alienation before explaining the part you Enablers play in this emotional abuse. At this point you Enablers may be asking “so why are you writing this?” Well as an alienated parent, I am at times physically and mentally exhausted. I am just one of thousands of alienated parents out there. Like many others I will never give up, and this letter is just one of many attempts I will continue to make in trying to promote awareness of parental alienation and hopefully bring about some kind of positive change, no matter how big or small. If this letter gets read by an enabler somewhere in the world and prompts just one of you to think about what you are doing and its effect on any children involved in the evil that is parental alienation, well then that is something.

Martin Luther King once said, “Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?”

So Enablers, I beg of you to consider this quote and ask yourselves what it is you do for others and why.

btg dad

20 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Enablers of Parental Alienation

  1. My heart goes out to you and your children. I’m one of those children of an alienated parent. The emotional scares are very real and deep. I had to wait until I was 18 before I got to know my father. It finally gave me a sense of knowing who I am, since I’m so much like my dad. Our relationship is strong now. I finally have a feeling of belonging, and being loved.
    When your kids get older, they will see the truth through all the lies.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: An Open Letter to Enablers of Parental Alienation – Parental Alienation

    • Thank you for reading it! There is enough of us affected by this evil. If we continue to voice our concerns, some day soon some change will have to take place. All we can do is carry on with determination and hope.

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  3. Enablers are convinced in many of the same ways the children are. I watched my father do it. Enablers do what they do because they fall for the lies. They believe they are protecting your children in their behavior. It would be easier if the enabler knew he or she is an enabler but he or she does not.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I am touched by your story. I have a beautiful daughter with my ex and she deliberately alienates conversations, visits and any form of contact between us at all costs.
    You are absolutely correct when you say US fathers are fighting in an unfair and biased judicial system. Like you, I have spent a vast amount of time and resources to get additional timeshare from the courts to no avail. In my situation, I moved closer to my daughter and the court granted mom her move-away request. I was devastated because I was under the false impression that courts act in the best interest of the children. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my family law judge sought to preserve the injustice men face when they want to be a part of their child’s life. I was working on gaining 50/50 custodial rights only to have my timeshare reduced as a result of the move-away.
    But I will not give up. I have plans to move even closer to my child once the move occurs. I have found relief in knowing I am not the only father fighting for his rights against narcissistic moms. I hope to help alienated fathers with my story. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, thanks for the support. I too have found so much relief in knowing there are 1000’s and 1000’s of alienatated parents out there, and because of that even more abused children. Its heartbreaking for every single one of us. But we must continue support one another in any way we can. We must remain hopeful, strong and carry on fighting. I believe any small change is still a change. Thank you, take care.

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  5. Pingback: An Open letter to enablers of parental alienation  | Grace seeks sanctuary

  6. I can relate to your story – my heart goes out to you. I have been through the PA process in Australia. My son is now 10 years old and I have not seen him since he was 3 years old: in fact I have had no contact with him whatsoever. Sadly I probably wouldn’t even recognise him now. During the first three years of his life I documented what little time we did spend together – this forms the basis of a book about my experience with PAS I am soon to self-publish. Us alienated parents need to spread the word of our injustice far and wide: hopefully people will listen and the system can be changed to be more equitable and compassionate. Keep on keeping on people X

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